Welcome to another edition of The Life List Club’s Guest Post Friday! This week, I’m thrilled to be hosting writer Lyn Midnight. Lyn and I write in different genres, but share so much when it comes to our thoughts on writing and goal-setting.
Whether you are a writer or someone who is working on very different sorts of goals, I think you’ll enjoy her post on the importance of keeping your ambitions alive by sharing them with others. Learning to see others as potential support systems rather than hiding ourselves and our goals away is key to all of our successes.
But enough from me – here’s Lyn:
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I was the typical outcast as a kid. I was bullied, mocked, silenced to tears, and disregarded by almost every kid I knew. So I grew up thinking that people were mean and couldn’t be trusted. I learned to take care of myself, without ever having to turn to anyone else apart from my best friend and my parents, though even then I’d choose to handle things myself. For a long time, I thought this was a good thing; that I was stronger for it.
Today I look back on those days and want to hug that kid!
I have learned that if you open your heart to people and show them you are just as vulnerable as they are, you will not be mocked, but understood, supported, and loved. I have also learned that setting goals alone and having no one to share them with is the same as having no goals at all.
Think about it for a second… what’s your motivation? What will you do with the money you dream to make, or the house you dream to build, or the fame you hope to find? If there is nobody to share these good things with, they will most likely turn into empty things. And if you pursue those goals by yourself, you’ll never know how good it feels to be a part of a whole, and to set common goals with someone who just… gets it.
When life throws you lemons, who will you make lemonade WITH?
Life is always better with people around. Your friends lend you their ears and shoulders when you’re going through a bad breakup, your parents are there when you’re having financial difficulties, your husband is there to pick up the slack, and so on. But that’s not all. Time and again, I’ve heard writers saying that their friends and family do not understand their needs. Let’s face it. Typing away in our room while everyone else is living OUTSIDE is plain weird.
I have set many writing goals in the past two years but I could never truly stick to them because I had ample time, space, and reason to slack off. My friends told me I shouldn’t stay alone in my room but instead go drink with them; my parents told me I should help with the chores instead of ‘luxuriating’ on my laptop; and my boyfriend… well, my ex-boyfriend was rather understanding because he was a man of the arts himself.
Anyway, the point is that nobody really pushed me to achieve those goals, and that’s because they didn’t get it. It’s awfully difficult to be supportive of something you don’t understand. This is why writers need writer friends. Beta partners, twitter friends, even agents all build up our support system when we set our writing goals and pursue their realization. They have all been there. They have valuable insights and lots of words of comfort, because that’s what we do: we use words to reinforce ideas.
So when I set goals, I don’t just think of myself. Rather, I like to think about how I’m going to achieve them WITH my writer friends. Because if someone has the same goal as mine, then we can step right in the thick of it together. Whether you are a writer, musician, surfer, or prima ballerina, I know you can relate to what I’m saying because setting goals and sharing them is as universal as smiling and laughing together. And this is exactly why I joined the Life List Club. Because I feel like we’re all in this together.
To that lonely kid inside, that feeling’s priceless.
BIO:
Lyn Midnight writes in various genres and formats (fantasy, scifi, poetry), and likes to blog about anything her heart desires over at Lyn Midnight Against the Odds. She is currently working on a scifi novel and managing another blog – The Burning of Innocence – where she posts fantasy flash chapters. The person behind the handle is a Psychology graduate and eternal nomad, trying to make her big break somewhere in England. Long live the Queen! And long live our dreams.
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If you enjoy these posts and would like to know more, please visit my Life List Club page. Also, my Life List guest post will be appearing over at Jess Witkins’ place today. Coincidentally, it is related to Lyn’s post here as it talks about helping your loved ones support your goals instead of unintentionally sabotaging them.
How do others support you as your work towards your goals? How do you support them?
Violeta, what a powerful and moving post! You got me tearing up for your little girl self and feeling proud of the amazing writing community that surrounds us. I totally get this because my husband hates when I am on the computer doing writing things when he’s around. Although we’ve talked about it and come to an understand I know he doesn’t get it which is why I’m so grateful for all the amazing writers out there. Great post!
Aww I’m so glad it spoke to you like that! I know you’re someone who inspires me daily, so I take that kind of praise from you seriously. Thanks Jen! 🙂
Violeta, I am so happy to have you as a contributing member of the LLC. Your humor and passion never fail to inspire and I commend you for sharing your personal story with us to remind us why we need a community that will support us in our dreams. Thank you and keep writing!!! P.S. When you’re thirsty, I just made up a batch of lemonade. 😀
Aww thank you so much, Jess. I’m super happy to contribute too. And I mean what I said. There’s nothing better than to share my goals with you guys. As for the lemonade… I was hoping someone would get the hint! 😀
Makes me want to hug that kid too, Violeta. Having the support of friends is the most important thing in helping us to achieve our goals. Great post 🙂
Haha, consider it hugged. Thanks, Gene! 🙂
Lyn, such an open, heartwarming post. I’m so glad to be finding myself back into a community of writers after having hermited myself for the last few years. Writers may be a bit crazy, and sometimes sensitive (a necessity for the job), but they get things that other equally valued friends just don’t. Thanks! 🙂
“They get things that other equally valued friends just don’t.” – that is so very, very true!
Thanks, Susan! You hit the bull’s eye. In fact, that bull is now bumping into sign posts because the eye’s practically gone. (Now try to erase that image from your brain.)
What I meant is… I am glad to have writing friends… beyond words. If Blogging and Twitter can give me that, then all hail social media. ^_^
Great post! I’ve definitely found it to be true that stating your goals publicly is critical. Especially with something like writing. Family and friends understand as best they can but, unless they’re writers, they don’t know the sneaky little excuses we all use to get out of meeting our goals. They don’t know how easy it is for doubt to sneak up or for us to beat ourselves up over tiny things. We need a group of folk that understand and can both hold us accountable and support us when we fall down and skin our knees.
The part about being picked on touched me. I was picked on as a kid too. So bad. Made me hate school and seriously doubt humanity. Glad I survived it though. Gave me a better sense of empathy than I think I would have had otherwise. There’s some lemonade for ya. 😀
You said it so well, Sonia! Being picked on truly teaches one to see the world (and people) differently. I’ve often thought it happened for a reason and that in the end, it was one of those blessings in disguise. Glad to know I’m not alone. ^_^
Boy.. you guys make the best lemonade! *hugs*
Seems like the “picked on” thing is so common among those of us who grew up to be writers … maybe our weird but wonderful spirits were already shining through then, at an age that our peers just weren’t ready for them : ).
Mhm. My crooked teeth were shining like you wouldn’t believe, lol. In all seriousness, though, I completely agree. I’ve always been misunderstood. Truth is, non-artists just don’t get the need to go to a completely different world… but that’s fine so long as they keep their thoughts to themselves. 😛
LOL – I think maybe some of my “picked on” years might have had to do with the fact that my going off into my writer’s head often led to me being a clutz and walking into walls, too. It took me a while to grow into my brain : ).
Was so very happy to host this guest post. It speaks to one of the reasons I joined the Life List Club – to compensate for what tends to be more of a ‘lone wolf’ nature in my offline life. I’m social and right there when it comes to having fun, but even now have a hard time asking for support in my goals (or anything else) in everyday life. I tend to see myself as the plow-horse, steady, get-er-done girl that everyone just expects to get by and no one even realizes dreams of something more or needs a little help now and then, just like everyone else. The fact that I’ve been treated that way before is my own fault – you are the image you project and no one knows you need them if you don’t tell them so. Wonderful post : ).
I like that, ‘we are the image we create’. It’s so wonderfully worded. 🙂
I am very happy with the response I got. When I was young, it felt like I was the only misunderstood person in the world. Silly, I know, but everyone else seemed to be happy. I guess they just hid their insecurities better than I did. My point is that as I grow, I realize how many people there are out there like me, and even though I am a social gal nowadays, I still don’t get what I need from my non-writing friends: understanding.
This is where social media has come in handy. My friends still don’t get the need to talk to people who are ‘not real’, but every time I talk about my WIP’s they change the subject. Well obviously, we need to surround ourselves with people who understand us perfectly as well as others who complement us. 🙂
I’m pretty sure that the Life List Club, the authors at eFiction Magazine, and other writer’s groups I’ve participated in have kept me from boring my family and friends to tears with all my word-talk!
Great post. Friends and family can be encouraging on the surface, but the truth is they rarely understand what it takes to be a writer. Setting boundaries around my writing life is tough, but I’m slowly learning how to do it. Social media and an excellent local critique group has been my salvation.
Well said! Thanks for stopping by, Diana. 🙂
Excellent article!
Thank you! 🙂
Very cool post!
Thanks a lot. 😀
Thanks for that much needed “shot in the arm” Lyn (and Hawley, wise choice for the long weekend, well here, it is, anyway) Have a great one all! 🙂
Enjoy your long weekend! It is a regular one for me, but a regular Saturday is always ever so much better than a regular Monday : )!
Lyn, I loved this post! Like others have mentioned here, we think that little girl inside of you is awesome!
I have found (aside from my family and friends), the online world very supportive of my writing habit. You would think that writers would be competing with each other, but I’ve found quite the opposite. The writers I have met through blogging and Twitter and Google Plus have ALL been supportive, friendly and kind. I look forward to following along as you reach your goals this year!
Yeap, gotta love the online world! It’s the only known way to connect so many people over the world with the same interests as yours. Maybe our ancestors were more involved with nature and real experiences, but we can reach farther into the world. Anyway, I’ll leave before I get too philosophical, lol. Thanks, Carrie! 🙂
So true! And we can always get ourselves out there for nature and real experiences, but they didn’t have the options we have for reaching out : )!